i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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