dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
My liver just had a heart attack.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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