when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
