i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!