you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
even my farts smell like vagina
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
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You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.