i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?