the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
