The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
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