Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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