Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Randomize
