Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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