dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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