My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
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