guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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