Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
Randomize
