If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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