Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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