His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
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