That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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