Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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