ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
