what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
