I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
