If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize