i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I queefed so loud it echoed.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
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also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
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And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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