1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize