you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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