So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
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