when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
