I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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