All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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