He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.