yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.