Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.