More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.