And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
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Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
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Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me