Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Randomize
