I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
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You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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