Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
