im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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