You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
