And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
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I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
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Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window