my sisters under your porch take her home
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."