Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
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you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
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Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now