Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
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My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
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We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.