wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.