thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
