Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
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