I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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