Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
