do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
