Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
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