Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Randomize