She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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