Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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