we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
