Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.