He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP