he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods