shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
Randomize
