I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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