I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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